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We choose our spouses but not our children.  What is so important about my opening statement?  That we choose our spouse but not our children? From my perspective, as I listen and coach people around family dynamics, it makes all the difference in the world.

Looking at relationships through the lens of Human Design fascinates me. We each are born with our own unique design, our own energy blueprint.  When we come into contact with another person’s energy blueprint, our two designs combine and influence the nature and quality of the interaction that we might have.

Meeting up with some people is literally like finding the other half of yourself.  Where energies combine and the whole becomes greater than the sum of the parts.  There is a positive chemistry about that interaction.

Another possible energy combination is more akin to finding someone who is just like you. This is where two people share similar energy components.  The feeling is very companionable.  There is a strong basis for friendship and companionship.

When I work with couples and partners that have relatively healthy relationships, I can see the reasons in their two designs:  there are a lot of shared energy components and a number of ways in which they complete each other and in being together receive access to more energetic wisdom and gifts.

But there are other energy combinations that are not quite this uplifting and easy.  We can’t change the energy blueprint of the other person.  So where they have a fixed part of their design that is different than ours,  or more complete than ours, then all there is for us to do is to surrender to that energy in them.

So how does this play out in families?  And especially in parenting children?

In general, we have chosen our spouses because we have sensed the ‘rightness’ of the relationship. There is a strong feeling of compatibility and good chemistry.  The relationship just plain feels good.

And then we have children.

Our children come into this world with their own energy blueprint, their own unique Human Design.  While we may have birthed them and they come from us, we are not in control of assigning their design (unless we are highly knowledgeable about this science).

Your child’s energy blueprint may not match yours at all! There may be very little energy chemistry and compatibility and far more aspects that require surrender and conscious understanding.

Let me give you an example.  I was recently working with a mother and talking to her about her two sons.  She is a very active, in the moment, focused, very self-motivated and self-empowered woman.  Her eldest son had been diagnosed with ADHD.  When I looked this boy’s design I could see that his energy blueprint was wired for maximum energy and activity, but that he needs to take extra time while he is making decisions. The design of this child also indicated that he was going to be constantly leaping into experiences for experiences’ sake and going deep into his own process.  To top it off, the child has strong leader tendencies.  ADHD?  Possibly.  A high-energy design that might not fit nicely into ‘traditional’ norms?  Yes.

This child is nothing like his mother and what is normal to him is not going to be what normal is to his mother.  There are no ‘bad’ designs.  All energy blueprints are beautiful and will serve that person well.

Knowing of his design, she can instruct him where it is most important:  specifically to allow decisions to percolate and get clear over time.  And, she can support his differences; surrender to them, but not necessarily in a passive way. That he is likely to dive into new experiences over and over again, and that this is normal for him, is critical information for this parent.  It is actually more than normal for him, this is how he builds his map of how the world works, how his world works.  So she can be ready in advance with tons of options that he can choose from that she has already checked out and deemed safe and healthy.

Then in contrast, the younger son is not a high energy, active boy.  His penchant for action is minimal and his energy is very serene.  He has only one defined channel or quality in his design, that of the story teller. Which fits him to a ‘T’.

She was concerned that he likes to spend a lot of time by himself in his room.  But this is completely normal for this energy blueprint.  In fact it is very important that he have these periods of solitude where he can decompress from the energies of others.

In this family, there are two parents who have very similar, highly compatible designs.  And they have two sons that are completely different from them and completely different from each other.  Knowing their Human Designs allows the parents to give each child specifically what they need.

#HumanDesign #Parenting

 

©2015 Catherine Rivers Leadership by Design | www.catherinerivers.com

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